What Did I Just Say?

So lately, I've been paying better attention to some of the things I say (usually to Ben, Mr. Three-year-old-can-do-it-all-by-myself-just-leave-me-alone-mommy) during the course of a typical day. And all I can say is WOW.

I've come to realize Moms are basically poetic geniuses with their commands and requests and warnings and scoldings and affirmations that are thrown into the mix on a daily basis. It's purely for survival purposes. Sometimes there's just not enough time to adequately explain our panicked state of mind in a developmentally appropriate manner. So whatever comes out of my mouth in these moments of madness are often the most...unusual things. Things I never thought I'd say to a person. Out loud. Over & over & over again. Sometimes I say these things, then walk away and burst out laughing because what the heck did I just say???? I can't believe how comical life can be when you aren't even trying to make it so.

Here are some of my personal favorites, highlighting the past couple of weeks:

• Take your toe out of your mouth. Toes have germs and will make you sick. Human beings do not suck on their toes.
• Please give me privacy. For one minute. How long is a minute? Well, go to your room and count to 100 and then you can come see me again. That's almost a minute.
  
• That's not your business. Your business is eating turkey. Eat.
• Please keep your tongue off of her arm. Would you like me to stick my tongue all over your arm? I didn't think so.
• WHY DOES THE TOILET SOUND LIKE IT'S CLOGGED????
• You have to take a bath. Because. No one wants to be friends with the stinky kid, and YOU will NOT be the stinky kid.
  
• If you get scared tonight, just talk to Jesus and tell Him why you're scared and He'll protect you. Ummm, sure. I'm sure He knows how to make ALL of the bad guys dead....
• Please leave your bottom alone.
  
• Please don't jump off of there again. Because. You might fall and then you could get a huge owie, and then there will be blood everywhere and then we won't be able to go to the park OR eat ice cream later. That's why.
• You talk kindly and gently to me. I am your mother, and I gave birth to you and it really, really hurt when I had to push you out. Super bad. So be loving.
  
• The reason your tummy hurts is because it's exhausted and wants to go to sleep. So stop getting off your bed, close your eyes AND GO TO SLEEP.
  

Awww, kiddo's. Thanks for keeping it real. You keep me on my toes, and where I need to be- humbled and grateful.