Surprise!

We totally have pumpkins growing wild in our side yard! What a delightful surprise! This is somewhat of a childhood dream come true for me. I mean, who WOULDN'T want their very own pumpkin patch? We have a large lot adjacent to our driveway that is the perfect size and shape for a really great garden, but we just couldn't quite get it together in a timely manner this spring. Technically, the lot belongs to our neighbor, but he seems to have forgotten it exists, because he plowed it once right after we moved in, and then left it to the weeds and goat-head thorns to run rampant.

So, we're reclaiming the land for our own, a la Far and Away. A couple weeks ago, I noticed several different large plants sprouting up and noticed beautiful big yellow flowers which, naturally, I assumed were zucchini.

After some thorough investigation, internet research, and discussions with my father, Farmer Andre, we realized that these are not zucchini or even summer squash. What could be better than zucchini growing wildly? Pumpkins, baby! Aren't they so cute?

We're so proud of our new family members!


AND, I cannot believe how quickly they are growing. I'm serious, these pumpkins are quite self-sufficient considering there's never been any watering or fertilizing or any sort of general pumpkin T.L.C. Just a couple days ago, I went out to take pictures of our new discovery, and then went out again this morning to take a couple more pictures. They have practically doubled in size in that small time span. Apparently my green thumb has become so proficiently savvy, that all I have to do is look at soil and BAM! A pumpkin patch appears.

Maybe if we play it smart, there will be time to enter our pumpkins into the County fair and win some sort of blue ribbon prize for having the prettiest and biggest pumpkins, and we will get a good laugh when people interview us for the 6 o'clock evening news or front-page newspaper articles, and ask things like, "Mr. & Mrs. Dewig, what's your secret to such fantastic pumpkins?" To which we'll reply, "We really can't divulge that information. It's an old family secret that goes way back to our ancestors who had the pumpkin growing and harvesting expertise in their blood, and they sacrificed many tears and sweat droplets just perfecting the rich annual pumpkin harvest." And then we'll have to sign hundreds of autographs and hire bodyguards and a publicist. (Alicia, I'm offering you a job).

Except you will all know that the real secret to our sudden & unexpected pumpkin achievements was a mixture of complete ignorance combined with a whole lot of standing by, watching these cute little pumpkins do their own thing, all by themselves. Go figure. Nature is so smart!

And so, I've spent much of the weekend thinking about our new-found organic pumpkin patch farm, wondering what we're going to do. Obviously, there will be pumpkin pies in our future, and I'm pretty sure I should get going on some fantastic roasted pumpkin seed recipes. What else? Is there such a thing as pumpkin soup? And I KNOW there's such a thing as pumpkin butter, so you can bet your bottom dollar I'll be looking into that. I think that perhaps the carving will begin mid-September so that we have our craft perfected come late October. We are currently accepting any and all great pumpkin ideas (please, help us figure out what to do with this new-found jackpot crop), and who knows- we'll probably even share a roasted pumpkin seed or two with you.

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On Why Ben Should Become a Lawyer

Image by LauraFries.com via Flickr

Me (after being away from the dining room, and returning after about 3 minutes): Ben, I told you that you are not allowed to have any more pizza until you finish all your salad.

Ben (who is sitting on top of the counter, face inside pizza box, ingesting an unauthorized, illegal 2nd piece of pizza): Ohhhhhhhhh, right.

Me: Ben, you knew that. I already told you that was the deal.

Ben: But MOOOOOOOOM! Um, I was just talkin' to Jesus about that, and he said it would be FINE if I had some pizza.

Me: Wow. I don't even know how to argue with that. Well done. Have at it.

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An Angel

The other day I was at Target with the kids and after chowing down on a well-deserved Target snack, we were making our way out the door. We walked past a mom with a very tee tiny little baby in her arms. The baby was SO small, it looked like it must have just popped out a couple hours beforehand. But I was quite taken with how beautiful this baby was. Usually it takes awhile for babies to grow into their cuteness, but not this one. I couldn't help myself, and said to the sweet mom, "Oh my goodness, look at that precious angel! How old is she?" To which she replied, 5 days old. Then I told her how beautiful her baby was, and we were out the door and on our way home.

Later, as we were arriving home and pulling into the garage, Ben every so sweetly said to me from his car seat, "Mama? Remember when we saw a precious angel today? She was SO CUTE, wasn't she?!"

God is so smart because He knows that Moms who have mischievous 3 year old boys need precious moments, such as these, to replenish their patience and tolerance. It's a good thing he's so gosh darn cute...

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Her Mother's Daughter

I got a good laugh today watching Ella adjust to wearing shoes for probably only the second time in her almost 9 months of life. Because the girl has tee tiny feet, shoes have always looked ridiculous on her, so I usually opt for bare feet or socks 99% of the time. But now since she's crawling all over the place, I figured she should start getting used to having some sort of protective barrier between her toes and all the dangerous things she's running into all the time.

I slipped on her piggies a pair of really adorable soft-soled pink shoes with giant pink bows on the top, courtesy of her big cousin. After admiring them and trying to pull them off for about 10 minutes, she crawled around and played for a bit. I figured she had seen them, was unimpressed after 1o minutes, and decided to move on with her busy-body-self. After a while, it was time for me to breastfeed her, so I got us all settled in just as we do every day, four times a day. Only this time....good gracious, the girl was completely and totally distracted by the beauty of her new shoes. You would have thought she just discovered the eighth wonder of the world, and was completely mesmerized by the glory of these mysterious pink leather shoes now enveloping her feet. Rather than doing her business and nursing, she just kicked her leg straight up in the air and stared at her new shoes. I kept trying to distract her and encourage her to nurse, but after latching on for a minute or so, she'd go right back to staring at her beautiful new treasures, smiling, and ignoring me all together. Like, "Uh, Mom? Could you leave me & my shoes alone for a few minutes? We'd like some privacy as we get a little bit more acquainted with one another."

Though, I can't say I blame her one bit. And...I might even go as far to say that I'm slightly proud. It seems the Deep Love for Shoes Torch has been passed down to one more generation. Bravo. Maybe if this new little passion of hers for shoes continues, I'll have the perfect bribery tool come potty training time. Dually noted.

A Dessert Worth Trying

I realize it's no surprise that I may have a slight obsession with ice cream, especially since I've jumped on the homemade ice cream bandwagon. And it's no surprise that I get pretty excited about my homemade ice cream. It's almost enough to get me up in the morning- I mean, the variety and possibilities are truly endless! The thing that I love the most about making my own is that I can completely control the ingredients, I always cut back the sugar, or use a lower fat alternative to straight whipping cream (which most ice cream recipes call for). I realize not everyone owns a handy dandy ice cream maker to take 98% of the hard work out of the ice cream making process, but this is the one we have (received as a wedding gift almost 5 years ago- thanks all over again, Flynn's!) and I was pleasantly surprised at how relatively inexpensive they are now.

So here is our favorite recipe thus far- a variety of ice cream I've made probably 4 times already this summer. I've taken a recipe I found on All Recipes and added a few of my own ingredients, which in my humble opinion, has essentially perfected the recipe. I call it Cinnamon Ice Cream, but Dan calls it Cinnamon Roll Ice Cream. Another suitable name would be Snickerdoodle Ice Cream. You get the idea- just a fantastically delicious ice cream with cinnamon as its shining star ingredient. You're just going to have to make it yourself and decide which name suits it best.


INGREDIENTS:

• 1/2 cup white sugar (or sugar substitute)
  
• 1- 13.5 oz can Coconut Milk (OR you can substitute with about 1 1/2 cups half-and-half, but I think the coconut milk gives it a really tasty flavor)
  
• 2 eggs, beaten
• 1 cup half-and-half (OR you can substitute part half-and-half with part milk)
  
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
• 2 1/4 teaspoons ground cinnamon
• Dash of almond extract or Amaretto (optional)
  

DIRECTIONS:

1. In a saucepan over medium-low heat, stir together the sugar and coconut milk (or half-and-half substitute). When the mixture begins to simmer, remove from heat, and whisk half of the mixture into the eggs. Whisk quickly so that the eggs do not scramble. Pour the egg mixture back into the saucepan, and stir in the 1 c. of half-and-half. Continue cooking over medium-low heat, stirring constantly, until the mixture is thick enough to coat the back of a metal spoon. Remove from heat, and whisk in vanilla, cinnamon, and almond extract or Amaretto. Set aside to cool.

2. Pour cooled mixture into an ice cream maker, and freeze according to the manufacturer's instructions (usually 25-30 min.). Ice cream will be soft serve at this point- we put ours in the freezer for a little while before eating, just to firm up a bit. Enjoy!




Image by LynnInHK via All Recipes

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Coughs & a New Tooth

Image by gencalioglu via Flickr

I should start by saying....Mama's tired. As my darling mother would say, I'm too pooped to pop. Not sure exactly what that means, but I know it must be applicable for today's whole...vibe. You know you must really look tired when your child's pediatrician, ever so gently, makes a comment like, "Wow. You okay? You look like you didn't get a whole lot of sleep last night".
Uh no, Dr. Block, I didn't. Thanks for pointing that out because I wasn't already feeling self-conscious enough about this no shower/no makeup/lack of fresh clothing thing I had going on....to be honest, he's lucky I found my way to my toothbrush this morning.

After a couple days of watching Ben's runny nose go from very mild to icky + cough, we bit the bullet (and the co-payment) and took him in. Good thing. That boy is a trooper because he had one ear infection and another one developing quickly. Also, the cough was somewhat constricting his airways, making it difficult to do much of anything, so he promptly received an in-office breathing treatment. And that is when all the light bulbs in my little brain began flickering. NO WONDER HE'S BEEN SUCH A GRUMPY WRECK! It's funny how much of a relief a quick visit to the pediatrician's office can bring (aside, of course, from the verbal mockery I received) because I now know that my sweet Ben is still inside that little body of his, he just needs time, fluids, antibiotics & rest to pry it out of him!

So that was half the battle.
The other is Miss Ella and The Little Tooth That (finally) Could. Good news: it's about time! We've been waiting for this first tooth to pop through for about 4 months now! The bad news: uh, it's popping through. Thank goodness that as adults we don't remember this stage of our babyhood because it appears to be quite brutal. There's this itty bitty little razor of a tooth literally cutting up through her little gum's. So, naturally, it makes her all the more sensitive and mommy-dependent (i.e. boob dependent) and resist sleep and just overall miserable. Poor baby girl. Well, all I can say about this is: One tooth down, nineteen more to go. Awesome.

Dan is working at the restaurant this evening, and I know I should spare him & utilize this opportunity to watch my "girl" movie , The Duchess, but I am overwhelmed by the thought of finding the energy to get up from this chair, dig around for a remote and commence DVD viewing. Instead, I think I will make my way to a hot shower, my 15 yr. old sweatpants, my aloe vera infused socks (oh, Lizzie, thank you), my lonely bed, and read up on the many new recipes that I am dying to try once we're all rested and done teething and coughing and ready to get back to summertime pleasantries. Nighty night.

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Adventures in Gymnastics

We hit a new milestone: Ben started his very first gymnastics class today. It was a major success on many levels, and it gave me a brand new perspective on....well, me. First let me just say he was wonderful and so adorable and nervous and shy at first and then won his coach's heart over in 3.5 minutes flat. That's my boy!

Some background: When I walked into the gym this morning to register him for a class that was about to begin in 15 minutes, I was under the impression that we were signing up for one of those "Mommy & Me" classes, the kind where you talk your child through every-little-thing and make sure they're listening and using manners and being friendly and not picking their nose and not peeing in their pants, etc. But a minor mis-communication took me by surprise and sort of left me hanging when his coach (read: STRANGER) walked up to Ben, introduced herself and grabbed him by his chubby little hand, and walked him onto the gym floor. Without me. The veil had clearly been drawn- she closed the little half-door behind her, which is really just a polite way of saying to parents, "You! Sit! Stay back! Your kid is fine, and he's all mine for the next 45 minutes. You get to watch the whole thing from those really uncomfortable bleacher seats. So sit down and relax."

So I'm practically kneeling at the half-door instead of sitting in the designated parent spectator seats because it brings me a good 4 feet closer to the action, where I am desperately trying to read every word that comes out of this coach's mouth. And I'm watching my little guy trying to figure this whole thing out, and I'm seeing how uncomfortable and confused he is, and I'm literally biting my tongue from blurting out something really obnoxious like, "Mommy's right here! Here I am, baby! Listen to your teacher! Make good choices! Put your listening ears on! Mommy's so proud of you!" And then I look around and realize all the other moms and dads are casually sitting around chatting and enjoying the time and trusting their child to do the right thing, and all in a matter of 5 minutes, I'VE BECOME THAT CRAZY, WACKY MOM. The one we've all seen, and probably had a stern little internal dialogue with. The one who we probably roll our eyes at and maybe even tell our friends or husbands about later at dinner. Uh, yeah. That was me.

They begin their stretching exercises, and of course to me, this looks like a true Kodak moment that needs to be captured all on camera. Second by second. I'm just snapping photos like it's my job, when suddenly Coach Chris (STRANGER) casually looks up and sees me in my motherly hysteria and what do I do???? I NERVOUSLY GIGGLE AND WAVE TO HER! Like she was looking for me and finally caught me, and just wanted to send a friendly hello my way. Like she doesn't have anything better to do with her time. Oh, the horror. It was then that she took the little gymnasts alllllllllllll the way to the other side of the gym and basically remained there for the duration of the class. Coincidence? I think not.

So Ben does pretty amazing- lots of somersaults, trampoline jumping, balance beam & hanging on a bar with your hands & toes type of work. My independent little 3 year old doesn't miss me for one second, doesn't even think to look for me until he was somewhat nearby and I cheated and yelled out, "Good job, baby!" It was precious to watch and melted my heart to see how incredibly excited he was to be a part of something so active. And I could tell, even from 50 feet away that he is not only listening, but completely engrossed with Coach Chris. And what starts happening? My heart wells up and my eyes get all misty. Of course. How can my baby be so big- big enough to do all these exciting and dangerous things without me? Now I'm The Mom who's cheerfully yelling and camera happy one minute, and crying the next. What is this emotional roller coaster that gymnastics has taken us (me) on?

It's funny because as a preschool teacher and director in my previous life (pre-mommyhood), I was around this scene every single day. I could easily pin-point those moms- the ones who were fairly emotionally attached to their kids, the ones who needed to learn a thing or two about the letting go process that I learned all about in my dozens of Early Childhood Education classes. Well, apparently today was a day for a crash course lesson in "You Can't Really Understand Until You've Been There Yourself", or that wonderful little book, I Was a Really Good Mom Before I Had Kids. As it turns out, all those years of E.C.E. classes and experiences really didn't prepare me for my life as a mom. I mean- sure, I learned a whole lot about child safety, and if a child is choking and in need of help, I'm your gal. You need help understanding the laws and protocol for running a preschool, I'm there. But saying goodbye to your baby as he walks away with some strange woman to go and have fun WITHOUT YOU? Brutal. Why do I have a feeling I'll have the same distinct sentiment come prom, 2023?

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Dear Sadie

Hello little Sadie,

I am your Auntie Nicole. We've never met, and technically, we're not even related, but your mommy & I have been "bosom buddies" for....well, let me count....approximately 20 years. FYI, when you're friends with someone THAT long, you automatically become an Auntie to their offspring, and bypass the whole related-by-blood thing. But I know you have lots of real Aunties already, so if we end up just referring to each other by our first names only, that's okay too. Bottom line: Because of the connection I have to your Mama, your entrance into this world has deeply touched me and filled my heart with a tremendous amount of joy- so much so, that I had to blog about it.

So, you are not yet even 24 hours old, and I've only seen one photo of you thus far (as if your parents have been a little too tired or busy to meet our impatient demands) and when I saw your sweet little face on the screen, I just felt overwhelmed to say a few things. Bear with me.

I want you to know that your mommy is one of the most extraordinary people I have ever met. I would say most of my fondest memories from my "minor" years involve her in one way or another. She & I did so many things together, and we sort of grew up together. When you have a friendship that spans that many years, you undergo a metamorphosis that take you from being girls into becoming women (one time Britney Spears wrote a really awful song about this- ask your mommy about it). We were just kids when we met, and now we have kids. It's hard to describe, but I pray that someday you will understand, and that your own life experiences will allow you to be blessed by a friendship equally profound and precious.

You are one lucky girl, Miss Sadie, because I've seen a million times over the capacity your mommy has to laugh and to love, and those two things will sure come in handy when she's raising you. Really, what more could you ask for? If there's anything I could wish for you, it's that you would embrace your mother's passion & zeal for life and humor and truth and knowledge and shoes. She's an incredibly smart woman, Sadie. Ask her for advice when you need it, because she has offered me some of the best advice and insight to date. When she & I were about 16, we used to laugh and dream about the day we'd have little Edith's & little Nicole's running around, and by golly- here we are. Not that you're ready to run around just yet, but after a few blinks of an eye, you will be. That's how quickly babies like you grow- you blink a few times and boom! Growth. Oh, I pray you three will savor each other. Even though you are all a bit exhausted and bruised and delirious, I pray that you and your parents relish in every little breath and grunt you make, and every little mysterious tar poop you create. (You see, I'm a poet. And you did not know it.)

And, so dear Little One, please forgive me if, when I meet you, I happen to giggle and shed a tear and/or bite your nose & toes. I just may not be able to help myself. I promise to always be the "Auntie" that divulges the hilarious stories about your mother (warning: they are riddled with boy-crazed silliness. Good thing she had me to keep her good and well-grounded).

Welcome to the world, sweet girl.

Love,
Auntie Nicole or Nicole or Nic or Nicoley or Coley

On Hippie-ness

Image via Wikipedia

Dan: (while rubbing my leg) Whoa. You're getting bristly.

Nicole: Oh. Sorry. It's been awhile.

Dan: No, don't be sorry. I don't care. You should just let it grow all out. Be a hippie. I mean, you're already baking whole wheat bread these days. You're halfway there.

What We've Been Up To

The Parents:
Baking some amazingly tasty and healthy breads (thank you Oma, Aunt Karen & Alicia), which usually incorporate my new handy dandy holy trinity baking ingredients of: flax seed, millet & whole wheat flour. This is still a W.I.P., but if I ever get a recipe down to perfection, I'll blog it.

Dan teaching music lessons 3 days a week, still forging ahead with church choir, getting prepared for upcoming school year, working Tasty Tuesdays at Bittersweet. Still, never complains.

Making various flavors of homemade ice cream (last night was coconut ice cream - there really are no words for this tasty little treat....). If you're going to do this, toast your coconut first in the oven and then put in the food processor before adding to the other ingredients. Trust me on this.

Dan meeting summertime quota of computer game play time (heck yes for Star Wars!) and challenging anyone & EVERYone to a game of chess. If you're interested, please call the guy and give him his fix.


Reading. Reading for fun, for the kids, for work, for recipes, for a healthier lifestyle, for occasional celebrity gossip...

Lots of coupon clipping, advanced meal planning, bargain grocery shopping. I love when my diligent coupon clippings allow me to purchase organic chicken for $.99/lb. Also, the new norm for our family is to enjoy family grocery shopping trips. People stare at us and sometimes even comment on how nice it is to see an entire family of 4 at a store together. I concur.

Blogging, reading blogs, realizing that all of this blog writing I've been doing has become a lovely little journey of self discovery. I quite love it.

Deeply enjoying a new-found but very real love for sauvignon blanc. It's the only kind of wine that the husband & I agree on these days. So we make it a point to purchase in bulk.

Getting excited and maternally anxious for the birth of Edith's baby (it's totally a girl)

Watching the kids learn to play together (!)

Loving my husband and learning to bite my tongue

(finally getting around to) Decorating Ben's room



Flirting with & researching the idea of a new career path in my sometime-future

Adoring So You Think You Can Dance with child-like giddiness. Not just Nicole. Dan AND Nicole.

Deeply appreciating our amazing families.

Making & enjoying lots of lattes with our sweet Alice and loving how much money we're saving with her.

The Kids:
Ella is still desperately trying to crawl, spends lots of time in the "downward dog" yoga position, scoots on her tummy and can reach anything within a 6 ft. radius

Ben has graduated to a "big boy bed" which means no more toddler bed, and in its place is a fantastic twin bed with very darling bedding

Ella learned to wave on her own and does it all day long


Ben likes to be 100% boy 100% of his day. Usually this entails lots of monster/superhero/lion impersonations and playing with sticks & dirt in the backyard



Ella has suddenly developed opinions on just about everything. You don't even want to know what she thinks about the state of our economy.

Ben sits with me almost every time I go to nurse the baby and we watch "cooking shows" together. He begs for it. LOVES the Food Network, and asks for Giada or Barefoot Contessa by name (of course, he has a bit of a crush on Giada. Go figure.)

Ben & Ella are both plagued with their mommy's eczema skin and we've spent a good portion of our summer (and our pocket book) trying to get it under control. Nothing seems to really help, so we keep trying using a combination of natural remedies with doctor prescribed remedies. We'll see...mostly Mama just feels really guilty for passing on such an awful gene. Sorry about that, kids.

They are REALLY learning to love each other and play together (what we've been waiting for!)- Ben without bulldozing Ella over every 2 seconds, and Ella getting tougher (i.e. less tears) and more wise to her brother's silly ways.

The End.

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Blessed

Image via Wikipedia

I am attempting to make this brief because, good gracious, Mama's tired. It's been a long, wonderful, mellow, mojito & love-filled weekend, but I felt that I could not rest until I at least share just a teensy little blog posting.

This holiday weekend provided me with the following two important insights:

1) Apparently, I am not a HUGE 4th of July person. Don't get me wrong- it's not that I dislike it. I mean, what's not to like? The patriotic happiness, the bold colors, the flag waving, the beers, the hot dogs (and the televised hot dog eating contests...), the parades, the kids in their cute little 4th of July gear, the fireworks. And obviously, I am forever grateful for this country and our history and all that our ancestors & forefathers did to pave the way. But the actual day of celebration itself....it's all kind of weird for me. I guess I'm just not one of those that will ever be TOTALLY into this holiday. In part, this may be because red, white & blue were never my best colors. Those of you who know me know I prefer a bit more green in my daily wardrobe (perhaps this explains my deep and mystifying love for St. Patrick's Day, on the other hand...). Or maybe it's because this county is so hell-bent on preventing any type of firework activities, which can quickly put quite a damper on a holiday whose ENTIRE CLAIM TO FAME IS a fireworks show at the end of the day. I mean, a 4th of July without fireworks at the end is like eating bread without butter- what's the point?

Either way, I ended my 4th of July feeling a bit....underwhelmed. That's the word. (But stay with me here...) I guess I don't quite get all the hype that comes along with it. HOWEVER.....it's now time to move on to my #2 realization to make my #1 realization come full circle. Somehow. That's the goal.

2) The very best part of my 4th was spending time with some really wonderful people. Which served as a great reminder: I am incredibly & undeniably blessed. For the most part, I am surrounded by the warmest, funniest, most loving & beautiful friends. Heck, they are all just downright awesome. The only reason it was truly a holiday for me was because I got to spend time with some of these people, and I was reminded how lucky we truly are. Lucky, of course, to be living in a country with the birthright freedoms and privileges that come so easily to us. But mostly lucky that I get to feel & experience what it's like to love AND to be loved every single day. Feeling loved and joy and peace is a norm for me, not a rarity. How blessed am I! There are so many destitute, isolated and sad people in this world that would give anything to experience this, and yet how easy it is for me to take it all for granted. To take these precious people in my life for granted. I think what I'm trying to say is, I have so much love in my heart for these people in my life, that my cup has no choice but to runneth over.

Oh, how I will be trying my hardest each and every day to thank God for each of you, to remember to enjoy each moment that I am with you, to be present & in the moment when I am with you, to really listen to you, to remember to tell you I love you, and to teach my children the vital importance of surrounding themselves with authentic & genuine friendships. You just cannot put a price tag on that. Thank you, 4th of July holiday weekend- I am enlightened and loving it.

Whoopsies. This was not as brief as I had intended.

What Did I Just Say?

So lately, I've been paying better attention to some of the things I say (usually to Ben, Mr. Three-year-old-can-do-it-all-by-myself-just-leave-me-alone-mommy) during the course of a typical day. And all I can say is WOW.

I've come to realize Moms are basically poetic geniuses with their commands and requests and warnings and scoldings and affirmations that are thrown into the mix on a daily basis. It's purely for survival purposes. Sometimes there's just not enough time to adequately explain our panicked state of mind in a developmentally appropriate manner. So whatever comes out of my mouth in these moments of madness are often the most...unusual things. Things I never thought I'd say to a person. Out loud. Over & over & over again. Sometimes I say these things, then walk away and burst out laughing because what the heck did I just say???? I can't believe how comical life can be when you aren't even trying to make it so.

Here are some of my personal favorites, highlighting the past couple of weeks:

• Take your toe out of your mouth. Toes have germs and will make you sick. Human beings do not suck on their toes.
• Please give me privacy. For one minute. How long is a minute? Well, go to your room and count to 100 and then you can come see me again. That's almost a minute.
  
• That's not your business. Your business is eating turkey. Eat.
• Please keep your tongue off of her arm. Would you like me to stick my tongue all over your arm? I didn't think so.
• WHY DOES THE TOILET SOUND LIKE IT'S CLOGGED????
• You have to take a bath. Because. No one wants to be friends with the stinky kid, and YOU will NOT be the stinky kid.
  
• If you get scared tonight, just talk to Jesus and tell Him why you're scared and He'll protect you. Ummm, sure. I'm sure He knows how to make ALL of the bad guys dead....
• Please leave your bottom alone.
  
• Please don't jump off of there again. Because. You might fall and then you could get a huge owie, and then there will be blood everywhere and then we won't be able to go to the park OR eat ice cream later. That's why.
• You talk kindly and gently to me. I am your mother, and I gave birth to you and it really, really hurt when I had to push you out. Super bad. So be loving.
  
• The reason your tummy hurts is because it's exhausted and wants to go to sleep. So stop getting off your bed, close your eyes AND GO TO SLEEP.
  

Awww, kiddo's. Thanks for keeping it real. You keep me on my toes, and where I need to be- humbled and grateful.