Giddy

The other evening we took a family trip to the toy store so that Ben could utilize the birthday gift card he received to pick out something fabulous. This was the first time we'd taken a family trip to the toy store, and the process was more than overwhelming for the newly crowned four year old. Heck, I was even dizzy and disoriented. Perhaps it's because of all the chemically-ridden plastic toy objects stacked and shoved together in one space. Or maybe it's the endless aisles of STUFF everywhere, with not one employee in sight to be of assistance. Anyway, once I stopped and listened to myself directing him in the store, I realized how ridiculous I sounded: "Ben, hurry up. Let's find something to buy with your birthday money. What do you want? Look around, let's make a decision!"

I mean, honestly. The poor child walked around aimlessly, eyes as big as Buick hubcaps, stuck in the hypnotic trance of flashing, sound-making plastic toys each calling his name. How do you make a decision when every toy on the planet is there at your fingertips? By a slow process of elimination, we somehow managed to narrow it down to three candidates, and ultimately a new Star Wars something-or-other thing won the grand prize and came home with us.

Dan & I both got a kick out of the drive home. There was practically silence in the car as Ella sat sucking her thumb, and Ben held and silently worshiped the newest member of his family. After studying Ben in the rear-view mirror for a moment, Dan commented,  "Oh man, watching him I can totally remember as a kid getting a new toy, and on the ride home studying it, holding it, and the giddy anticipation of getting home so you can get it out of the box and play."

Me: "I know exactly what you mean, I did the very same thing as a kid, too. Except it wasn't ever toys that gave me a case of The Giddy's. It was shoes."

A T-Shirt & A Toast

I have a security blanket. Except it's not a blanket, it's a green Buddha t-shirt from Old Navy (the official Buddha headquarters, of course) that I've had for 6 years. If you know me, then you definitely know this t-shirt- I've worn it just about a million times. My husband was the original rightful owner but he came to me one day and said, "Do you want this shirt? It shrunk and now it's too small for me". That's when I decided to make it official and adopt it, and we've been very close friends ever since. And honestly, ever since this shirt came into my life, I have a deeper understanding of why children bond and cling to comfort items such as blankets or pacifiers, because my Buddha shirt sure makes me feel safe and secure and loved and wonderful. And because it's green, it also reminds me of Christmas. Need I say more?

It's not that there's anything special about it at first (or second or third) glance- it's an unusually soft green cotton shirt. The unusually soft part is what drew me to it in the first place. It has an outline picture of a Buddha-like figure with the words "Happy Buddha" at the top, which- for this Catholic girl, doesn't have much significance for me other then the fact that it's kind of a cute little Buddha. And I have a difficult time saying no to anything that's green. Over the years it has faded and gotten thinner and thinner as I've washed it thousands of times and also insisted upon squeezing my bulging pregnant belly into it with BOTH pregnancies. Because when you're pregnant and miserable, you JUST NEED YOUR SECURITY BLANKET (shirt). I even owe staying somewhat caught up on my laundry to this shirt because heaven forbid I go two or three nights without it. There are a couple of unidentified stains. There is one very odd-shaped blood stain from the time I tried to squirt saline water up my stuffy nose but something went terribly wrong in the process and the next thing I knew blood was squirting out of my nose all over the place --and DANG IT! Blood on my Buddha shirt. For some, this would be reason enough to get rid of the tattered shirt altogether, but I'd like to think the imperfections give it character, so I keep hanging on.

A few weeks ago, we were celebrating my birthday with family and I was the lucky recipient of some very heartfelt toasts and kind words being tossed around. Although I loved every word that was said, I was holding my breath waiting for my husband's toast. (Side note: I don't think we toast our loved ones as often as we should. There should be a national Toast Those You Love Day). He waited for the right moment, raised his wine glass and said:

You know when you impulse buy something because it's the prettiest or the flashiest or has the most bells and whistles? Ever notice how it can quickly become a one-time thing and even more quickly lose its luster? If it's an item of clothing, you only wear it once maybe twice every couple of years for certain occasions.
That's not you.
You are comfortable, Nicole. You are always there for me, ready. Waiting. And at the end of day, when I am tired and looking forward to coming home, I am always excited and ready to put you on to get cozy and be comforted and loved by you. You are my Buddha t-shirt.

Apparently he thinks my imperfections give me character. And he keeps hanging on.