Ode to the Night Owl

A few weeks ago, Dan woke up to the sound of our dog Truman, barking from his dog cave (which by day doubles as our laundry room) at the god-awful hour of 1:30 a.m. Since we live somewhat in the stick-ville countryside, we tend to get all sorts of wild creatures in our neighborhood at night. Often times it's nothing more than an obnoxious kitty who's trying to throw a late night party in our yard, intentionally driving our dog bonkers. And therefore ruining our circadian rhythm. This is why I hate cats. Also because I'm allergic to them and they make my eyes red & itchy. And because they have the most presumptuous egos, rubbing up and down on my leg, assuming that surely I'm just DYING to pet the darn thing. Gross. Apologies to all my feline-loving pals, but I can't do the whole cat hair thing. They make my knees wobbly and my tummy nervous.

Anyway, this particular evening (and by evening, I mean very early morning) Dan opened the door and let Truman run out into the backyard and do his watchdog "thing" and thoroughly investigate any unauthorized activity that had taken place moments before.

That's when Dan walked back into the bedroom a few minutes later and said, "Um, babe? I'm pretty sure Truman just got sprayed by a skunk."

To which I growled, "What do you mean you're PRETTY SURE? Did he or--- OH DEAR LORD IN HEAVEN! THE SMELL! THE EYE WATERING STENCH! GET OUT OF THE BEDROOM! IT'S ON YOU! MY NOSTRILS HAVE BEEN SINGED! WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DOOOOO?"

So yes. Truman had indeed gotten sprayed by a skunk.


Being new to the dog-skunking world, we were completely clueless as to what to do. Sure, we could Google step-by-step directions, but how does one sort through millions of people's opinions when time is OF THE ESSENCE? Also, firing up the computer sounded like a lot of work, and I was right in the middle of some serious REM sleep that may or may not have involved John Mayer dreams.... maybe if I just close my eyes, this will all disappear.....


Oh, wait. It's really difficult to fall back asleep when there's that annoying SKUNK SMELL PERMEATING THE HOUSE. (I'd like to take a quick detour here and pose the question: do skunks do anything that contributes to our society/earth in a positive way? Seriously. Is their only job to spray other animals and ruin perfectly wonderful early morning dreams? Please tell me they have another purpose in this world.)

This is when a Night-Owl best buddy comes in handy. Whenever something happens in our lives and we don't know quite what to do, or how to handle it- particularly between the hours of 11pm-5am, we call our awesome friend, who also happens to be named Dan. If you don't have a Dan in your life, you should get one, because generally speaking, they bring about tremendous things. Sometimes having two Dans in my life gets confusing, but I'm not complaining. For the purposes of avoiding any further confusion, we'll refer to my non-husband Dan as Dan2.


Please meet Dan2 (+ the ocean):

Over the years, Dan2 has helped us in many late night urgent-but-not-quite-emergency types of situations. There was the time we heard gunshots. There was the time our neighbor insisted on driving his tractor at 2 a.m. There was the time we needed a marriage therapist. There was the time we were bored, or had a rare case of insomnia. Naturally, Dan2 is always wide awake, so over the years he's become our go-to man when we need something from the outside world. 


Night Owls are quite handy.


As my Dan was stripping off his skunk scented PJ's, I didn't know what to do other than reach for the phone and call Dan 2. Being a dog owner himself and having had multiple dog-skunking experiences, he was full of suggestions. We were instructed to make a potion of tomato juice, baking soda, and hydrogen peroxide. He stayed on the phone with us, walked us through the process, and helped us create a shopping list of necessary items. Oh, that's right. A grocery store visit was necessary because we didn't have any large cans of tomato juice on hand. Not just any grocery store....the one about 15 minutes away was the only one operating 24 hours.

It's hard to be a dog owner.


So my Dan was off, residual skunk smell and all. Moments later, as I was prepping the scene for dog-washing and deskunking, I heard a car pull into our driveway. It's now probably around 2:30 a.m., and the only thing that comes to my mind is, Great. Dan just got in an accident on the way to the grocery store while retreiving tomato juice. The cops are here to tell me he's been taken to the hospital. My house reeks of skunk. This is officially the dumbest night of my life.

But really, it was Dan2, ready to save the day.
You guys....he showed up with (are you ready for this?): every necessary de-skunking ingredient, rain gear attire, gloves, breathing mask, dog washing potions & equipment, and even a dog-washing bench to sit on. I was in my unmatching PJ's with bed head and morning breath, grateful but speechless.


As if this wasn't enough, he walked in with his game face, ready for battle and said, "Where's the dog? I've got this." AND THEN HE PROCEEDED TO WASH AND DE-SKUNK OUR DOG. I'm telling you: y'all need to get yourselves a Night Owl best friend. But I'm not willing to share ours; you'll have to go find your own.
Anyway, I love a good 3 a.m. photo op:

Don't be scared; though it looks like blood, really Truman is just covered in tomato paste. That stuff works magic.

Here's Dan2, the only person I know who can de-skunk a dog WITH A SMILE.

Here we are, approximately 3a.m. Happy to have a clean puppy. Even happier that somehow we avoided getting our pretty little hands dirty & stinky.

After repeatedly thanking Dan2 for his above & beyond helpful services, he replied with,

"What? That's just what friends do. It's no big deal. You'd do the same for me."

I don't know how to break this to you, Dan2, but I'll try to do this gently. I'm pretty sure that if you ever called me at 2 in the morning to tell me your dog got sprayed by a skunk, the chances of me getting out of bed and driving to your house to help clean up the mess are slim to none. I don't even think I would hear the phone ring at that hour. In fact, I can say with the utmost confidence that I would definitely NOT show up at your house ready to bathe your dog.


But please take note: we love you dearly. We'll just have to find alternative ways to show you.